I use to work for Nielsen at Kellogg. Basically, that meant that every day I was
surrounded by upper-middle class people who made more than enough money. However, every day I heard people competing
for something. One day I was invited to
a work event at a country club. At the
work event, everything was fully catered and there was an open bar. In addition to all that I could eat or drink,
there was a speed boat ride around a private lake. I felt like a princess. Interestingly, as the ten of us drove around
the lake all I heard was “I wish my house was like that!” and “Well, we have a
membership here” and “We just bought a speed boat.” I felt super crappy. I never wanted to live in a huge house. I never wanted a speed boat. Then, I felt pity for my co-workers. Why would you be dumb enough to believe that
your security could be found in material things?
As with most judgments, reality quickly slapped me in the
face. This week, God security checked me
as hard as possible. I deserved every
security check I got.
Within the last six weeks, my husband and I literally were
blessed enough to receive everything we could dream of. Six weeks ago we – on a total whim – we decided
to look at one house. At the time, we weren't even looking at houses. So at
11am on a Saturday morning we looked at a house. By Wednesday we were pre-approved for a
mortgage. By Friday we had a signed
offer. God took care of us buying a
house in the swiftest way imaginable. It
was a miracle. Thank you God.
This week my husband was blessed with a different position
at work. He was trying to enjoy the role
he had, but he was unhappy. Thankfully,
he got a new boss who saw he was suffering.
In a matter of days my husband’s boss moved him to a new position that
my husband is going to love. There was
no change in pay. There was no change in
benefits. A swift move.
Then, Thursday of this week – I totally blew it.
I went to start my car and the check engine light came
on. I should have stayed calm. I should have thought to myself “God has
taken care of us our entire lives – this will be ok.” I should have reminded myself “God has given
us swift kindness with a house and a job – this will be taken care of.” I didn't do either of those things. Instead, I totally freak out. I yelled at my husband. I blamed him for the car. I cried and sobbed about how terrible
everything was. Then, I reluctantly
drove the car to the mechanic and waited for terrible news. After a brief wait the mechanic called me and
said “Oh, it was nothing. Your car is
totally fine. You won’t even have to pay
for us to look at it.”
Then, this morning – I totally blew it AGAIN.
My husband and I were sick of car troubles. So, again, on a whim, we decided to get a different
car. We could no longer afford to pay
for my car repairs. In one day – my husband
did all of the work. He looked up dozens
of cars. He got us pre-approved for a
car loan. He found the perfect car and
set up a test drive. The car drove
perfectly. A friend looked it over and
said it was great. However – we went to
get the check from the bank…. And we couldn't.
I should have stayed calm. I
should have been kind. Instead… I DID IT
AGAIN. I verbally threw up all over my
husband.
I feel so dumb. Why
am I dumb enough to believe that I will find my security in all of these material
things? We have a house. Our cars are safe. My husband is the most amazing person I
know. Still, again and again, in moments
where I have every chance to realize that I am secure – I lose all control and
freak out.
These experiences just make me ask “What is enough?”
I think one great flaw in our society is the belief that
someone or something will make you secure.
My old co-workers tried to do it with boats and houses. I think a lot of people in our society
believe that once they acquire a certain number of things then everything will
be okay. We also try to do that with
people. We tell ourselves that if we
have the perfect spouse or perfect friends we will suddenly be okay. I think great spouses and good friends are
vital to happiness. However, believing
you will find security in another person is false. When you lose everything… what happens? When it all shifts… where will your security
be?
I use to read the Old Testament and get ticked at the
Israelites. I would think to myself “Really?
You guys saw a sea get split in half!
God lead you out of slavery! You
have seen it rain bread! Why are you not trusting God? IDIOTS!”
As I get older, I see how many similarities I bear to the Israelites.
This last week God gave me every chance to see that
everything will be ok. Then, in times of
stress – I blew it. I forgot everything
I have learned about trust and staying calm.
I freaked out. I lost my temper.
Thankfully, I have an incredibly forgiving husband. When I apologized for my mistakes he promptly
said “I forgive you.” That is the glory
of God. Our security lies in the fact
that we are forgiven. When we have
failed, which we all do all the time, we are forgiven. When we lose our tempers, we are
forgiven. When we forget that we have
been taken care of, we are forgiven.
Now, that doesn't mean we get to fly off the handle and be
jerkfaces and then just play the “Forgive Me!” card (I, obviously, need to work on controlling my tempter and my tongue . What it does mean, is that we have the
beautiful opportunity to see that in every moment – there can be
redemption. It means that real security
lies in trusting God. It means that when
we our terrified and scared and angry, we can turn to God. It means that in those moments where we have
failed, we can turn back and say “I have failed. Help me heal.” And God will answer like my husband did and
He will say “I forgive you.”
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